Sunday, August 18, 2013

The Funny Thing

Moving on is a funny thing.
I thought it actually meant moving on-but in my case, not so much.
At the end of May, we decided it was time to consider moving on and finding happiness in just the two of us.  I guess it wasn't entirely moving on as much as letting go.  We did some major soul searching and preparation, and with some help, found peace in our situation on June 14th.  We knew we would be okay, we knew everything would happen as it should.  We decided to change nothing and just focus forward. 
We got into school we made plans to downsize our house and considered moving to a new state even, just so we could start our "2 of us" adventure we soon realized we've been on our "2 of us" adventure for 8 years and changes weren't necessary to make us happy because we have each other! 
It's a good thing we kind of like each other.
I must say, June and July were the best months of my life.  I felt so whole, and alive!  I didn't sweat the small stuff and no children didn't scare me.  I wasn't jealous.  I wasn't hurting.  I wasn't even secretly trying to make it all work.
August rolled around and that all completely changed.  I felt desperately in my heart that I was so close and I needed to act.  I wasn't sure how to proceed, but I followed my heart.  (Much to the annoyance of Shane, I'm sure, as I'm so back and forth)  I started posting on our Facebook page again.  I opened up my blogs and actually wrote something this time.  I started perusing available adoption situations both infant and foster.  I started researching private adoption companies and I started adjusting our budget to accommodate the fluctuation in cost.  I pondered surrogacy, international adoption, IVF and more.  I even found myself crying at Jennifer Lopez's character in What to Expect When You're Expecting because I could totally relate.
Last Tuesday as I was scrolling through children in foster care, waiting for their perfect family, my heart leaped from my chest.  Just one picture, one glimpse and I was frozen.  I read his name and his age.  12!  He was way outside the criteria we were looking for.  I wasn't even going to open the profile.  I couldn't turn away so finally I decided to learn more.  His profile spoke to me.  I sent it to Shane and also my mom.  My mom wrote back, "If you don't adopt him, I will."  Shane and I talked it over and came to the conclusion that we needed to stop waiting for the perfect fit for us and to start considering all that we could give a child, any child.  We decided to contact the agency and inquired on this child.  We heard back 24 hours later and were informed our information would be forwarded to his caseworker. 
We are now in the waiting stages.  From what I know about foster-to-adopt, the process is a lengthy one.  We may never hear anything or we just might.  It doesn't matter.  We are letting go and letting things happen.  Who knows, maybe he is just a stepping stone, much like our other various opportunities, that will bring us to our children.  We definitely learned that we are okay with adoption in whatever form that is available to us, regardless of age and circumstance.
We've had so many things fall into place and click in just one week.  I really feel like we are close to something.  Our day is coming.  One way or another, one age or another, I feel like it's time!

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