The Month We Disappeared

Maybe you’ve wondered where we’ve been.  At the end of April we came to a crossroads.  We have four paths to choose from and all of them can be the “right” path for us.  Because of the questions, emotions, and stress involved with taking the next step we decided to take the entire month of May off.  We gave ourselves time to not think or decide.  We gave ourselves time to focus on us.  We gave ourselves time to decide what is right for us.

We’ve been married for 8 years and wanting children from that very moment on.  For the last four years we have been actively pursuing adoption, fertility treatments, and foster to adopt through our Health and Welfare system.  We’ve had a lot of ups and downs.  A lot of setbacks.  A lot of heartache. 

Through our trials, the one thing we have come to know as fact is that whatever is meant to happen for us, will, in the Lord’s timing and in his way.  Because of this, we’ve kept every option open for years.  Unfortunately having multiple avenues open at once has caused immense emotional strain.  After a very relaxing and soul searching month, we’ve decided to continue all avenues if only for a little longer, however, we’ve also added the avenue of not having children.  It’s not an avenue many like to talk about or even think about.  It’s not an avenue that I want to happen, but I’ve also got to allow myself the possibility, because unfortunately sometimes it does. 

At this point, we are just trying to put our faith to test and letting go.  No matter the outcome of our lives, we want to be strong and prepared.  Amazingly, by embracing all four options, I’ve never felt more free from my pain.  I think allowing myself to feel all of the emotions associated with each, allowed me to trust in Heavenly Father’s plan for us.  At the end of the day, whatever path we end on, it will be the right path for us.

We pray every day for the children and families that may bless our lives.  We pray for each of our friends in the adoption community.  We pray for each of those struggling through infertility.  But mostly we pray for peace and trust.  I feel like our baby is out there.  I feel like we are getting close, but just in case, I’m ready to live our lives to the best ability that we can.