The Funny Thing

Moving on is a funny thing.
I thought it actually meant moving on-but in my case, not so much.
At the end of May, we decided it was time to consider moving on and finding happiness in just the two of us.  I guess it wasn't entirely moving on as much as letting go.  We did some major soul searching and preparation, and with some help, found peace in our situation on June 14th.  We knew we would be okay, we knew everything would happen as it should.  We decided to change nothing and just focus forward. 
We got into school we made plans to downsize our house and considered moving to a new state even, just so we could start our "2 of us" adventure we soon realized we've been on our "2 of us" adventure for 8 years and changes weren't necessary to make us happy because we have each other! 
It's a good thing we kind of like each other.
I must say, June and July were the best months of my life.  I felt so whole, and alive!  I didn't sweat the small stuff and no children didn't scare me.  I wasn't jealous.  I wasn't hurting.  I wasn't even secretly trying to make it all work.
August rolled around and that all completely changed.  I felt desperately in my heart that I was so close and I needed to act.  I wasn't sure how to proceed, but I followed my heart.  (Much to the annoyance of Shane, I'm sure, as I'm so back and forth)  I started posting on our Facebook page again.  I opened up my blogs and actually wrote something this time.  I started perusing available adoption situations both infant and foster.  I started researching private adoption companies and I started adjusting our budget to accommodate the fluctuation in cost.  I pondered surrogacy, international adoption, IVF and more.  I even found myself crying at Jennifer Lopez's character in What to Expect When You're Expecting because I could totally relate.
Last Tuesday as I was scrolling through children in foster care, waiting for their perfect family, my heart leaped from my chest.  Just one picture, one glimpse and I was frozen.  I read his name and his age.  12!  He was way outside the criteria we were looking for.  I wasn't even going to open the profile.  I couldn't turn away so finally I decided to learn more.  His profile spoke to me.  I sent it to Shane and also my mom.  My mom wrote back, "If you don't adopt him, I will."  Shane and I talked it over and came to the conclusion that we needed to stop waiting for the perfect fit for us and to start considering all that we could give a child, any child.  We decided to contact the agency and inquired on this child.  We heard back 24 hours later and were informed our information would be forwarded to his caseworker. 
We are now in the waiting stages.  From what I know about foster-to-adopt, the process is a lengthy one.  We may never hear anything or we just might.  It doesn't matter.  We are letting go and letting things happen.  Who knows, maybe he is just a stepping stone, much like our other various opportunities, that will bring us to our children.  We definitely learned that we are okay with adoption in whatever form that is available to us, regardless of age and circumstance.
We've had so many things fall into place and click in just one week.  I really feel like we are close to something.  Our day is coming.  One way or another, one age or another, I feel like it's time!

Aunt and Uncle

I finally got our pictures restored and I’ve been dying to share some of the great photos we had lying around. 

The one thing you must know about Shane and I, is that we LOVE being an aunt and uncle.  We have nicknames from our nieces and nephews and love spending every minute we can with them when we get together. 

Between the two of us, there are seven nieces and nephews.  The really fun thing about our family is that every sibling with children has a girl first, followed by a boy. 

First we have K, from Brittnee’s side.  She is a 13 and full of spunk and attitude.  (Which teenager is not!)  When I was in high school, I remember bringing her along with me everywhere!  She would have been 2 and 3 so it made it very easy to tote her along.

 

When K was 2, she used to do Tae-Bo with Brittnee.  Grandpa renamed it K-Bo and every time Brittnee exercised, she was right there with her.

*The photo is from a scrapbook album as not every photo could be saved or reproduced.

Uncle Shane is the best Guitar Hero band-mate there is.  Whenever K and J visit, we get out the games.

K and Aunt Nee-Nee

 

Next is her brother J who is 11.  He likes to act shy and loves each of his uncles more than anything. 

 J and Aunt Nee-Nee at our wedding. 

J and Aunt Nee-Nee watching Dark Knight

Because there are so few boys, and on Brittnee's side, J was the only one until last month, J likes to be with his Uncles. 

Also on Brittnee’s side is A who is 4.  She is a spitfire and full of sarcasm at such a young age.  She is the cutest, funniest thing I have ever seen.  She is the spitting image of her parents!

A holding Uncle Shane's pinkie.

 Shane, Brittnee, and A

A and Aunt Brat (Brittnee's sister called her Brat when she was little.  So he is known as Aunt Brat to A.)

Shane and "Princess A"

On Shane’s side, the first niece is L who is 3.  She was actually born the day before A, one year later.  She is our red-headed character.  She has a great laugh and loves to dance.

L and Shane

L and Brittnee

Her little brother L followed quickly after and is 2.  He loves to carry around his little doggy stuffed animal and his personality is starting to shine.

Shane and L.  Check out that smile!

Also on Shane’s side is P who is almost 2.  She is the most shy but sweet little girl.  She doesn’t talk much, but loves to pose for a camera. 

Shane and P.  (P is very shy around boys, even her uncles, and it took a little while for her to warm up.  Of course only shortly after this photo)

 

Brittnee and P at the bowling alley, with Uncle Tyrel.

 

Lastly, on Brittnee’s side, we welcomed little C in July.  Because we haven’t yet met him and he’s too young for us to know what his qualities are, all I can say about him is that he is the spitting image of his momma!  If he’s anything like his sister A, his parents have their hands full.

C

 

We can’t get enough of these cuties and look forward to the many other nieces and nephews that might join the family.  We’ve loved having babies to hold, toddlers to color with, kids to play with, and teenagers to talk to!  While we wait to be parents, we can’t think of a better thing to do than to love on our nieces and nephews.

Rebuilding

So I began working on a massive genealogy project a little over a month ago.  A project that first began as a compilation of old family photos to share with our family via organized CDs became a massive project of compiling all photos for my entire family (siblings, parents, and in-laws).  My hope was to get everything scanned onto my hard drives and then also make CDs as back up.  So in the process, almost complete, my external hard drive got damaged.  Basically it was old and therefore unstable (lots of moving parts).  I lost EVERYTHING!  Every single photo we have ever taken in our 8 years of marriage (including our wedding photos) and all of the scanned ones that I spent weeks going through.  Luckily I have several photo albums, my blog, facebook, and other family photos.  Because of this, I've spent the last two weeks rebuilding each photo that I can, one by one.  In a great moment of miracles, my mother-in-law had a back up of our wedding photos.  Each and every one.  That's what I really cared about in the end.  I still have the memories associated with each photo and losing them doesn't change the relationships I have in my life, but my wedding photos were a big deal.  So, we've been gone for a long time and now you know why.  I've got at least several more weeks to go before I feel like I can move onto the next project.  And this time, I have TWO hard drives that I back up each night.  I hope this never happens again.

The Month We Disappeared

Maybe you’ve wondered where we’ve been.  At the end of April we came to a crossroads.  We have four paths to choose from and all of them can be the “right” path for us.  Because of the questions, emotions, and stress involved with taking the next step we decided to take the entire month of May off.  We gave ourselves time to not think or decide.  We gave ourselves time to focus on us.  We gave ourselves time to decide what is right for us.

We’ve been married for 8 years and wanting children from that very moment on.  For the last four years we have been actively pursuing adoption, fertility treatments, and foster to adopt through our Health and Welfare system.  We’ve had a lot of ups and downs.  A lot of setbacks.  A lot of heartache. 

Through our trials, the one thing we have come to know as fact is that whatever is meant to happen for us, will, in the Lord’s timing and in his way.  Because of this, we’ve kept every option open for years.  Unfortunately having multiple avenues open at once has caused immense emotional strain.  After a very relaxing and soul searching month, we’ve decided to continue all avenues if only for a little longer, however, we’ve also added the avenue of not having children.  It’s not an avenue many like to talk about or even think about.  It’s not an avenue that I want to happen, but I’ve also got to allow myself the possibility, because unfortunately sometimes it does. 

At this point, we are just trying to put our faith to test and letting go.  No matter the outcome of our lives, we want to be strong and prepared.  Amazingly, by embracing all four options, I’ve never felt more free from my pain.  I think allowing myself to feel all of the emotions associated with each, allowed me to trust in Heavenly Father’s plan for us.  At the end of the day, whatever path we end on, it will be the right path for us.

We pray every day for the children and families that may bless our lives.  We pray for each of our friends in the adoption community.  We pray for each of those struggling through infertility.  But mostly we pray for peace and trust.  I feel like our baby is out there.  I feel like we are getting close, but just in case, I’m ready to live our lives to the best ability that we can.  

Gardening

Ever since we acquired the space, we've found a new joy in gardening and housework.  We've been spending the last month working outside developing our backyard, fighting weeds,  and planting our garden.  We lovw how it's coming along but it's still a work in progress. 
We can't wait to harvest our watermelons,  cantaloupe,  pears,  apples, strawberries,  boysenberries, raspberries,  peppers,  onions,  tomatoes,  asparagus,  carrots,  lettuce,  spinach,  broccoli,  celery,  cucumbers,  and beans!

H&W Update

Because of lost paperwork issues,  we've decided to call Health and Welfare once a month to follow up on our profile and children availability. We had our hone study update completed on the 24th so we figured two weeks was long enough to wait so we called this morning to check in. They haven't received our update yet (they now know to look for it) but they were able to locate us in their system,  finally!  The bad news,  they haven't had an update since 2011 so we weren't even considered for children for almost a year and a half.  Because this is our last year,  we are going to make sure that doesn't happen again.  We plan to make H&W know who we are by our monthly calls. It will most likely drive them nuts, but at least they'll know who we are! 

Through the Years

This past week I decided to sort through our old photos and scan them all in so that I can scrapbook them later.  I had so fun looking at us through the years and thought I would share a few priceless gems of who we once were and what we looked like! 

Because all of these photos were taken with film, they were all scanned in and none were edited or touched up, sorry for the lack of quality.

The first is Shane and I in our third grade class photos.

These next two pictures were taken three days apart in December of 2003.  I was a senior in high school, living in Salt Lake City, Utah and Shane had just returned from his mission in the Philippines, living in Othello, Washington.  We met and were married just a year and a half later!

Here is one of Shane with his football team and Brittnee with her soccer team.

And lastly our graduation photos!